If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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