We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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