I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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