Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
