i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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