Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
