Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
