i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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