im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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