i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
