Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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