nutella sex= disaster
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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