Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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