Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
this hospital has no fireball
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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