maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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