when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
