I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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