Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
