I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
