So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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