Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
