it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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