it wasn't lemon gatorade
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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