Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
