My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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