Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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