If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
