you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
