u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
