His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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