If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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