Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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