I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
