we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
sarcasm needs its own font
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
