I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
