stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
