we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
