Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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