i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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