all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
