THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
