I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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