having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Come on in and take your pants off
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