Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
