Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
