Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
