The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
