do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
