You work out of a Hotel?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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