i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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