just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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