I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
