This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
