why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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