well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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