I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
