I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
