she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize