watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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