i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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