You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
