My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Drake has all the answers
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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