Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
