i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
