He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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