my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
