so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
