So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I didn't notice because vodka
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
