This house was built for laser tag.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
