I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
