Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
