Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
