i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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