I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
