I cannot find my penis.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
