I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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