So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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