but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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