Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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