Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
