When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
