when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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