Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
