Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
