did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
