it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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