I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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