it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We need a shit load of segways right now
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
