Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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