If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
