Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
