NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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