Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
