i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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