Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
