Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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