Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
