Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
