i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
