I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
