I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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