Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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