im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
