I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
