I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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