I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
