Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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