no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
