i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize