dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
