Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
